Several years ago when I was (still) in the middle of writing a book, my father asked me if there was any sex in it.
"Sex sells", he advised. I cringed.
As my adult children say to me when I think I am being helpful by bringing up sensitive issues, "Dad, please don't talk about THAT."
So in the spirit of somone who can't help but repeat certain mistakes, let me tell you about my recent encounter with SEX.
We have a Men's Group at DeLaSalle, and after a small group discussion last Wednesday, a young man came up to several of us adults. He asked us how to deal with aggressive females who invite him to have sex with them.
I won't tell you my first thought, but I quickly realized he was serious and that this would be an experience I would never share. Then, I became VERY worried. How could I answer such a question???
Thankfully, the other two men began to explain the consequences of such behavior.
I watched the young man as he listened to them. He did not seem concerned and appeared to be basking in the uniqueness of this new world he had discovered.
Then, in response to one of the men bringing the topic of love into the conversation, he inquired, perhaps with some irony: "What's love?"
I finally saw my opening.
Love, I told him, was when you share yourself with someone whose sharing in return draws you more deeply to that person, and a dynamic begins to open up within you. I told him about my marriage, and how I am still discovering love after thirty-five years.
One of the men added that sex was just one expression of such a drawing together, and that there were many other expressions of union, almost as unique and wonderful as sex. He mentioned his own marriage and noted the deep attraction he has for his wife.
I wanted to say more, but the young man looked puzzled. He quickly said he needed to go to his next activity.
I thought about holding him back. After all, I am the executive director, and the facilitator for his next activity was there with us.
But I said nothing more.
Instead, I hoped and wanted to believe that maybe he would ponder our words and reconsider his options in the future. He's only fifteen years old, and lives in a world that values convenience and gratification.
I'll be looking for him in the hallways next week to find a way to encourage him. I want to help him understand that being a real man requires facing tough situations and making the right choices. He will face many such situations in his life, and he needs to get his bearings straight now, or he will be lost in life.
It was good to talk about sex in this context, even though it was not an easy "sell" for this young man. But I am glad that we took the opportunity to talk about love and marriage and to give this young man a few important goals to consider.
There are a lot of young men and women at DeLaSalle who need some good role models. Maybe you'd like to join us? We have over twenty activities that need adult sponsors. I'd love to talk with you about them.